Hello from a very sleepy one here! We got up at 3 AM to get the girls (Lizzie, baby Emma and Lizzie's sister-in-law Sarah) to SFO for their 6 AM flight back to Indianapolis, and all went well. 8 month old Emma was all smiles at 3:30, breakfast in tummy, getting her cute clothes on ("the other passengers will look more kindly on us in case she's noisy, if she is cute!", said Mommy Liz). The girls got to the airport with lots of time to spare and then Ben, Julia and I went back to the Pattersons' house to pack our car and head for home for a few days.
Last evening was HARD. It was HARD seeing Lizzie try to say goodbye to her dear Gramma, and it was even harder because Gramma was miserable and becoming more needy by the moment. It was NOT a good good-bye, and we all left in tears.
But, we pray that the memories that remain will be those that are pure, honorable, uplifting, hopeful and full of joy. Because, all of those qualities and more embodied the relationship that Lizzie had with her Gramma Moose.
The time spent with Mom from Wednesday till yesterday has been measured in large part by Mom's marked decline day to day. Yesterday (Monday), we spent time outdoors with Mom, as she was in her wheelchair when we arrived and she wanted to go outdoors to enjoy the gorgeous warm fall weather (80 degrees--what an amazingly perfect November day to be out of doors!)
Dear friend Colleen and her little girl Hannah arrived and added much joy to the day. Mom, however, was just miserable as her main desire was to try to get some nourishment which frustratingly, would not stay in her mouth again. So many tears. What to do? Perhaps we should just start swabbing her mouth with cool water on a sponge now? But, sometimes a little liquid does go down, so no one gives up trying.
Some may wonder: why no feeding tube? She is starving! Indeed, we are realizing how awful this is and it is the hardest thing to watch. But, just to let everyone know how things have transpired in the decision making, Mom's hospice nurse Theresa reminded me that even though Mom did sign an advance care directive many years ago when she was struggling with cancer, and in the paper Mom said she did not want life support, Theresa said that a patient who is still in their right mind has every right to change their mind about such things. For this reason, Theresa took it upon herself on three separate occasions to approach Mom, in the presence of the other hospice nurse, and ask her the hard question: "Gene, do you want a feeding tube?" She explained it several different ways so Mom would fully understand what would be involved. Brave, dear Mom answered clearly the same way each time, without hesitation and without regret, that she did not want a feeding tube. But Theresa said she felt duty bound to ask. Oh how I am thankful for that. This has been very very hard. On the drive home today, my stomach was growling because it was time for a snack. I will never have a growling tummy again without thinking of Mom.
There were some good parts to our visit yesterday (just a few sandwiched in): When we went in to see Gramma in the evening, Gramma was lying on her bed resting quietly and peacefully. She brightened immediately upon seeing baby Emma smiling at her, and thankfully we got some precious photos of those few moments.
Just a few minutes later, however, Gramma started feeling distressed and began gasping for breath, almost wheezing and then began trying to reach her left hand across her body and grab the bed rail on the other side, again and again. It was like she was not able to control what she was doing, and it was really disturbing to see her in distress. She was beginning to cry out in discomfort and it all seemed like a bad dream, since just minutes earlier we had been all smiles. What was going on? Liz suggested I go get the charge nurse, and I went to get him, but he had just seen Gramma
smiling with the baby so he thought medication would not be necessary just yet. Pretty soon we both heard Gramma crying out from way down the hall, and here came Lizzie in tears--"come!!" So he came and saw the terrible distress that had suddenly come over Mom. There was a CNA who was attending to Mom's roommate and she just came over and gave me a big hug and said "I'm sorry". We are all so sad for Mom. Of course the nurse immediately got some morphine and put it at the back of Mom's mouth, and we held her lips closed so it would stay in. I massaged Mom's face with a cool damp cloth, as Kathy showed me that this is something that provides relief for Mom's tight, painful skin. I also rubbed her back with it and her neck. Mom was not feeling better at all, and even though Lizzie and I stayed for about another 20 minutes, there was not much relief in Mom's discomfort and agitation. This was basically how Lizzie last saw her Gramma and we are praying that the Lord will cover over the memories and bring only the good ones back to mind.
When I got in the car to take all the kids back to Sunnyvale to pack and get to bed, we received a sweet phone call from Mom's dear friend Pat, saying that Mom's long-time friend Sharon is flying out from Pennsylvania on Wednesday evening to see Mom. Oh, joy!!! We PRAY that this will be a GOOD time. I immediately went back in to the nursing home to tell Mom the wonderful news. She sure did light up, even though still struggling physically. We pray that this upcoming visit will give Mom something to hope for and look forward to.
Kathy said that she arrived at the nursing home just after we left, and found Mom resting well. Praise God! She shared, however, that after about one hour, the agitation and distress that I described all started up again. The nurse administered morphine again at the sign of distress, and Mom was more calm.
Thank you everyone for taking time to read this and to pray.
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