Most of our family was able to visit Mom this weekend. Julia, Ben, Anna and I drove over early Saturday morning and enjoyed a time of visiting with Mom, as well as with her brother and sister in law Edward and Doris, and nephew Charley. Brian and his little dog came, and Steve and Kathy and Victoria also. We ate outside and took turns helping Mom eat her lunch. Tim came in the evening, and he visited with Mom for a while. She asked him to go and get her a --guess what?? –a Starbucks strawberries and cream frappuccino! When he brought it back, she was like a puppy straining for a favorite treat. She literally reached out and pulled it towards her mouth, she was craving it so. She had Anna scrape off all the whipped cream, and also take out the straw, and then she was set. She drank a portion of it and was much happier.
This weekend we saw that Mom is not able to eat much of any solid food at all. She goes for the ice creams but can only take what is on the tip of a teaspoon at one time, and sometimes even that slips out of her mouth unswallowed. The regular foods (mashed potatoes, pureed meats, etc.) are not what she wants to try. She just waves her hand at them and can’t even think about eating them. I do not know the reason why she can’t eat solids. Her nurse urged us to try to get her to eat solid foods. We have tried and tried. When friends come over and they try to spoon-feed her, they get the same response. The tray is eventually picked up and nothing is touched.
Mom still drinks sips of her Ensure beverages. She tries to drink juice but really puts up a protest if the nursing home brings her juice with the thickener in it. She gets her point across and then they go and get her something thinner. She takes a sip and then starts to have a bit of swallowing problem with the thin liquid. Again, I don’t understand the reason for this. Right now as I am home from the weekend and typing this account, I am re-living all the moments from the weekend when I was feeling utterly helpless to assist my mother.
The hospice nurses came today (Monday) and noticed a big change in Mom. Theresa, one of the nurses, was attending to Mom, and I commented that Mom’s right leg does not look as swollen as last month. Theresa replied that is because of dehydration. Oh. I did not realize just how dehydrated Mom must be. I thought Mom’s leg that has the blood clot in it would keep getting bigger and bigger, as the doctor had said. Theresa also noticed Mom’s increased difficulty with swallowing. Mom was trying hard to swallow, but then stuff was stuck in her throat. As I was preparing to leave to come home today, Theresa had found a suction machine like dentist offices use, and was trying to help clear Mom’s throat for her. Everyone is on board to help Mom and try to make her as comfortable as possible. We are thankful for such a great team of medical workers and so many friends who come as well.
Mom’s moods tend to be up-and-down, which is not out of the ordinary for her with her stroke, but this is so draining for people like me who want so badly for her to be happy. When Tim and Anna arrived to visit with her on Saturday evening, Mom had been crying about something and had such a hard time communicating to them what was the matter. Thankfully Tim is not as emotional as I am about these things. He understands. In fact, he and Mom share a special bond. It was Mom who sat with Tim day after day in his hospital room about 24 years ago when he was paralyzed with Guillain-Barre Syndrome. He will never forget her sacrifice for him that summer. He knows that when someone is feeling helpless and hopeless, emotions run high.
Well, this weekend has been hard, and we know that harder days are still ahead. “How does your family do it?” my cousin asked. Of course, the pat answer is that we have the strength of the Lord. And this is true. But sometimes I feel like I have not done a very good job. I feel that instead of “doing it well”, I am rather “done in”. Kathy and I talked about this. She also is tired. We are concerned about Mom’s well-being. I was with Mom for most of the weekend, assisting with all her needs. Kathy goes to check on Mom quite a bit, and even more these days.
I want to again thank every one who has visited Mom and the ones who continue to come. Please keep coming. Mom asked specifically today that her friends would please come.
She thrives best when she has a friend nearby to encourage her with reading Scripture, to help spoon-feed, or to help her interact with the nursing staff.
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